The Autobiography of a Spy
by aross93
Summary: Who can best tell the story of Sarah's life? Well that would have to be Sarah herself! Her life story with bits & pieces from the show. Part 8 is now up. we're getting closer to some kung-fu'y action :
1. Beginnings to Burbank

**This is just a little something I wrote over labor-day weekend. I divided it up into a few chapter because it was getting way too long. Usual Disclaimers apply & all mistakes are my own!**

**Part I. The Autobiography of a Spy**

I was born Samantha Lisa Wallace, but I truly began living as Sarah Lisa Walker.

The first home I remember was the townhouse in the suburbs of Chicago. There was always snow in the winter. Mom and I would make snowmen and snow angels. Life was good. I had a mother and a father that supported me. They gave me everything I could have ever wanted, a normal childhood.

Well, that was until Mom got cancer. I didn't understand what was going on at the time, but I know that Dad wasn't the same after. She would go to the hospital to get treatments but after a few months the treatments stopped. I thought she was cured. I wouldn't find out until years later that Dad couldn't keep up with the chemo bills and the hospital cut the treatment. When Mom started getting sick again, she stopped taking me out in the snow on days when school was cancelled. On November 13, 1989 my normal childhood shattered.

After Mom died, Dad decided he couldn't live in the same house or city where Mom died. He was out of money and out of his mind. Dad had always been a good joker and trickster. So when I learned that he was going to be a con man, I wasn't very surprised. He took me all over the country. I was never Samantha Wallace again. No, I was Jenny Burton, Elizabeth Carol, Abigail McCarthy, and Emily Jones. Sometimes he would include me in his cons, the occasional 'girl lost' scheme, or 'girl hit by a truck' scenario.

When he took me to San Diego, California, I thought I was going to hate the city. No snow like Chicago, hot beaches, no Chicago pizza. As it turned out, I did hate the city but not as much as I hated being in high school, especially because it was James Buchanan High. That time in my life was worse than hell for me. I had braces, played the violin, and I was a complete dork. All I wanted to be was one of the popular girls that had the great boyfriend, great family, and overall great life. Too bad I would never get any of that, or so I thought for about another decade.

_She walked into the apartment complex in her blue silk dress. Sarah Walker was not the type of person who dressed to impress, especially if said person was her former asset. Long ago, Sarah had decided she would never have the life she wanted. However, when she met Charles Bartowski, she life was flipped upside down. She started _feeling_ again. She began thinking about the effects of her actions as a CIA operative; about the family of the terrorist she killed. Although this logic would eventually destroy her career, Sarah Walker was having the time of her life. _

_So when she saw Chuck standing by the fountain, looking amazing in his suit, she decided to take the jump._

"_It finally feels real."_

"_It is real."_

_When he took her hand, Sarah felt as if this was the first day of the rest of her life. _

The day when my dad's sins caught up with him was hard to say the least. He was the only person in my life who believed in me. As time had passed, he gave me more and more responsibility in his cons. I can't say they weren't fun, but it wasn't the normal childhood I yearned for. It wasn't what I wanted.

So when I saw him being taken away, I felt like my life was pathetic. I didn't have friends and now I didn't have a father or a mother. I guess that's why Director Graham's offer was so appealing. He offered a new life, one with excitement and adventure. What he didn't tell me was how lonely and miserable it would be, how I would spend days, weeks, and sometimes months alone with no one to vent to. He didn't tell me how I would be trained to do despicable things, killing, seducing, and murdering human beings. It didn't matter to the CIA if the terrorist had a family, children, or a life. Graham emphasized what mattered was that I got rid of the problem 'by any means necessary'. Those four words became the worst words for me to hear because I died a little every time I killed someone until I was assigned to Chuck Bartowski.

_Sarah knew she would have to do something about the situation with Chuck. She hesitated. She could have killed Chuck by missing or by not doing anything. _

_They sat by the fountain waiting for one to start. Chuck knew he had to do what was right. He had to keep Sarah safe at the cost of his one true love. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she got hurt or died because of him. _

"_You'll never be normal."_

_Those four words stung like fire. Sarah was heartbroken. She didn't know what had gotten him to break her heart. She figured Casey or Bryce said something to him. She tried with all her might to keep the tears out of her eyes, but there was no way._

_When Chuck and Sarah walked into the apartment to see Awesome and Ellie preparing for their wedding, the speech hurt more for the both of them. Sarah would never be enough for Chuck; she would never be able to provide the balance and normal life he desperately wanted. Chuck would never be able to get what he really wanted. He didn't care about being normal. If Sarah wanted him to be an alien, he would do everything in his power to be what ever she wanted as long as they would be together. But being together meant endangering her, and Chuck Bartowski was too much of a gentleman to carelessly put her life in front of his. _

To say that I had trust issues was an understatement. How could I trust someone after everyone in my life had left me? My mom, my friends, my dad? The CIA wanted me to entrust my life in a stranger. They wanted me to allow someone to control my fate. Since I was so messed up, I never had a partner even right of out the academy. My first partner was one Bryce Larkin.

He was my first for many things. One of which I thought was love, but that turned out to be false. He provided me with the sense of security that my father had given me when we were traveling the country conning America's most vulnerable. Walker and Larkin. In a small amount of time, he and I climbed up the CIA's top operatives list.

We took vacations together on the time between missions. We shared an apartment in Washington D.C when we had to report back to Langley. I honestly thought that Bryce Larkin would be there for me for as long as I lived.

The night I got a call from Director Graham telling me Bryce had gone rogue and was killed, I felt bat, but not as bad as it should have been. A person would think that if the true love of your life died at the hands of your government, you would feel some sort of anger towards them or at least some sort of displeasure. I felt none of that. In my mind, he betrayed the country and he got what he deserved. After the incident, Graham wanted me to come back to base for a re-evaluation but I needed to make things right. I needed to prove to the world that I could fix things on my own. I needed to prove to the world that Sarah Walker didn't need anyone.

**TO BE CONTINUED...(Part II starts from Sarah meeting Chuck up to mid-Season 2)**


	2. Burbank to the Bitch

**Part II of…more than two. Thank you to all those who took the time to review. They really do act as oxygen to us writers. Usual Disclaimers apply & all mistakes are my own!**

**Part II. The Autobiography of a Spy**

When I arrived in Burbank, California I figured Chuck Bartowski, a Stanford dropout, and Nerd Herd supervisor, would be a sleazy guy. My first impressions of marks I was sent to find and terminate were always right. So, when Chuck Bartowski helped the little Ballerina girl and her father, I knew I was in trouble because for some god-awful reason a season CIA killer was imagining her child with that man. And to even admit that left a dink in my agent armor.

_Chuck walked up to the girl, who was nervous. "What's wrong?"_

_The little girl was the tallest in her class so she wasn't used to being in the center. _

_Chuck responded to the girls concern, "You know what, ballerina's _are_ tall."_

_As Sarah watched the scene play out, she couldn't help but wonder how Chuck would be as a father to her child. The moment that thought crossed her mind, she decided Chuck Bartowski would be like no mark she would ever come across because that moment was the first time since her mother died of cancer 18 years ago that she dreamt about being a mother. _

_The next day when she had the most amazing first date with him, except the part that it was all a lie, that the NSA tried to kill the both of them, and a bomb almost went off killing him, her, and an important NATO guy, she told him something true. Sarah really did like him._

_After Chuck diffused the bomb, he went to the beach to try to clear his head. Sarah followed him for a few hours before she decided to try talking to him._

_Yes, Sarah was his handler but she also needed to be his friend. She understood what the spy life does to a person. _

_So Chuck and Sarah sat in the sand for a while talking._

"_I need you to do one more thing for me."_

"_What's that?"_

"_Trust me Chuck."_

After a few months working with Chuck, I figured out that I was in trouble. I began to care and feel about things again. For most of my life, I was told what to do, what to feel, and when to feel it. But with Chuck around me, I was myself. I hadn't been myself since Dad ripped me out of Chicago.

The night when we kissed at the docks, I thought my heart was going to explode. He wasn't just a person there; he was everything. That's why I kissed him. That's also why I had to lie about it when he asked. I needed to make sure he stayed safe because even thought I cared for him deeply, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if he died on my watch.

So I told him with a non-answer that the kiss didn't mean anything and it was a mistake. [A mistake in which I wanted to repeat over and over again] But, I forced those repeats to remain fantasy.

During the chaos of Bryce still being alive, I decided to test out the old flame that was Bryce Larkin to 'see' if there was anything left, but really it was to try to get over Chuck and everything that was associated with him. When Bryce went rogue, for real or for not, I severed my heart from his. I didn't care that he was still alive. I trusted him with my life, and because he lied to me and didn't tell me what he was going through I could no longer share my heart with him.

I knew there was nothing but ashes left with Bryce, but I was so confused about Chuck I needed a constant back in my life. The funny thing is, in the heat of the moment, 'Bryce' wasn't what I called out. It was 'Chuck, Chuck Bartowski'. So when the choice between a life of misery with Bryce and a confused but fulfilling life with Chuck came up a few nights after my word stumble the choice was obvious. Chuck, Chuck Bartowski.

The mission after Bryce's departure was crummy to say the least. I had to get close to this Lon Kirk character. Chuck was jealous. I accused him of faking a flash. I called our kiss a mistake [which it was not by any means a mistake]. So by the end of the day, I figured I could either get Chuck to trust me again or request a reassignment. My heart and brain were telling me two different things. That was a first for me.

_Chuck and Sarah stood next to the Christmas tree at the BuyMore Christmas party. Chuck gave Sarah a new alarm clock since she...murdered her old one. _

"_It's also kinda of a thank you for believing me when you had good reason not to."_

"_Well it's my job. It's what I do. It's the one thing I'm good at"_

"_Really...cuz I'm pretty sure you're good at a lot of things"_

"_Well...as you can see from everything that happened with Bryce, I'm not so good at relationships."_

"_I guess that makes two of us...and that makes me good at pretty much nothing I suppose."_

"_Chuck, you're good at your job took. Not just here fixing computers...you know the one where you risk your life to save others, the one that you didn't ask for but were supposed to have." Sarah looked into his eyes to try reading him. His normal 'Chuck Bartowski' face wasn't present. It was a face that longed to have someone there with him. _

_He put forth his hand, "Friends."_

_Sarah was a little taken aback from his action. She was trained to expect the unexpected but she would never have been able to train to be around Chuck Bartowski. _

"_Yea, friends."_

_They kept their hands together for a few moments longer than necessary trying to figure out what had just happened. 'Thank god for Jeff' both of their inter-selves said._

So after the Christmas party, things seemed to calm down a bit. Chuck and I weren't back to pre-Bryce status but we were friends. Friends that longed to be together, friends that stared at each other for moments too long to be considered 'friendly', friends that thought of the other in...very un-friend like ways.

To say that I was too comfortable at my assignment would be an understatement. I loved my assignment. I got to spend time with the greatest man in the world. So when he was almost taken from me, I realized he meant much for to me than Bryce could ever have. I was lucky to have Casey watching my back.

A few months after his almost-extraction, our team received news that the new Intersect was up and running. Chuck walked into the Orange Orange and asked me on a real date. When he asked me, I almost fainted right then and there. Well, I wouldn't have fainted actually, but if I had been a real girl waiting for my man to ask me out on a date then I would have.

Since I was no normal girl, things didn't go quite as expected. Long story short, Casey came to our rescue. We were supposed to have a second date, but it got cancelled due to Chuck still being the Intersect.

Months passed and my life seemed to get more complicated as the minutes passed. Bryce coming back, again, and then Jill [the bitch] coming back only to break Chuck's heart. I never knew I could horde such anger towards another person until I met her, until she took Chuck away from me, and until she turned out to be Fulcrum. I knew that if looks could kill, Jill wouldn't be alive even if she was a cat with nine lives.


	3. the Bitch to Barker

**Usual Disclaimers apply. The scenes from the actually show might not be exactly as they are in the show…all mistakes are mine. Enjoy!**

**Part III. The Autobiography of a Spy**

After the Jill crisis, my jailbird father decided to pay me a visit. A visit that would only to bring Chuck and I into a dangerous con with some Saudi's. We had to pose as rich Europeans and wound up in a gunfight. Chuck, thank god, came to my rescue. He gave the money back to the Saudi's and also got the account number so the government could shut them down. The only good thing that came out of Jack Burton making a return was I got his approval for being with Chuck. He didn't know it was for cover nor did he know what the real deal was. It wasn't like his opinion mattered, but he was the only family member left in my life. The meaningless approval meant the world to me.

_Sarah and her father sit in her apartment. After just being saved by Chuck, Sarah yearns to know why her father put their lives in danger. She knows it was just a con, a con to get some quick cash, a con that forced her to do what she hated most, lying. _

_After asking her dad why he put the money in Chuck's account he waits a moment before responding. "I made a ten million dollar bet he loved you. Looks like I was right."_

I gave my father a chance to run from the cops because deep down I still loved him. He was my father and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to save him, even from himself.

After my dad's departure, the holiday season came into full swing with the BuyMore hostage situation. Fulcrum finally infiltrated the Burbank BuyMore. Lieutenant Mauser took Chuck captive and it was my job to get him back. There was no way I would let anything happen to Chuck. I promised him. I chased Mauser into the tree farm and shot him. I shot him with the gun held by the same hand as the bracelet that Chuck gave me.

_Sarah stood in the tree farm with a beaten Lt. Mauser kneeling before her. _

"_Fulcrum will stop at nothing to find him Agent Walker. Then his lonely pathetic life will be over. So take me in."_

_Sarah let her gun drop down to chest. She took one look at Mauser's sadistic smile and made her choice. _

_The blond swiftly lifted the gun and aimed right between his eyes. She held her stance for a moment._

_In the distance, Chuck saw her kill the Fulcrum agent in cold blood. He witnessed her shoot Mauser with the same hand where his mother's bracelet lied. _

Here's the thing that really made things messy. My brown-haired sweetheart witnessed the entire thing. I was happy Chuck was safe, but Chuck was unhappy that I saved him. He didn't understand what I was going through. So it wasn't morally right, but as an agent I was trained to see in shades of grey not strict black and white. One could imagine how tense Christmas dinner was. It wasn't just tense; I honestly thought he was scared of me! Once he calmed down, we talked it all out.

I told him what Mauser said to me and Chuck seemed oddly grateful. I told him that if I could redo the situation, I would do it the same. I would never allow anyone to hurt him.

Things seemed pretty normal...sike! I can safely say that my life with Chuck will never be considered normal, on any level. So, during our Valentines celebration, video games for Chuck and paperwork for myself, Casey alerted us of our new mission. Newlyweds. In. Suburbia.

I knew it would be hard. Hell, even Casey knew it would end up problematic. But if I were forced to play housewife, I was glad it was Chuck. The opportunity seemed perfect. I wanted to progress with Chuck even if it was for cover. I had learned to cherish my time with him ever since the almost extraction from on the helipad and all the close calls our team had had with since then, because the time I spent with him was so much better than the bleak solitude I faced back at my hotel.

_Sarah woke up early their first morning as Mr. And Mrs. Carmichael. She wanted Chuck to feel at home even though it was all still a lie. _

_Sarah was in the midst of flipping his omelet over when he lazily strolled into the kitchen. She loved how confused he was. _

"_How'd you sleep?"_

"_Fine honey, how about you?" He mouthed 'did Casey find any bugs? Are the neighbor's coming over?'_

_How could Sarah not giggle when Chuck made movements with his hands to indicate surveillance bugs? "No Chuck. The house is clean. I'm making breakfast, for _you_."_

_Chuck's face lit up like a boy finding a new toy on Christmas morning. He walked over to where Sarah pointed him to sit. She brought him his breakfast complete with chopped chives on the top. _

"_You know Sarah, one day you might turn into a real girl."_

_Sarah couldn't tell him how much she wanted to be a real girl. A real girl with a real boyfriend with a real family and real life. A real girl that wouldn't have to live a life full of lies. Because for CIA Agent Sarah Walker, everything in her life was a lie, from her name, cover background, cover life, and cover relationships, to cover birthdays. _

After my time in the suburbs with Chuck, I was confused. No, confused times a zillion. At the end of everything I told Chuck that it was all part of the mission. The house, the marriage, everything was a sham. His only wish after he had be subjected to Fulcrum's test was that we spend one last innocent night at the cul-de-sac. I was an idiot to refuse his wish. After I denied him the harmless pleasure of a dinner and movie, I asked for the wedding ring back. It was government property after all. The strangest thing happened when I asked him. The ring in my palm. It felt like it was made of lead; I felt like my own future was burning up in flames as Chuck walked out of the Orange Orange depressed and dejected.

The next few days were excruciating on me. Chuck broke up with me due to Ellie's "suggestions". Chuck had told Ellie that he and I would never be anything more than we were at the time. In response, she told him to stop wasting his time if that was how he felt. That wasn't how I felt, and I'm sure that it wasn't how he felt either. The assignment after we broke up, again, I was ordered to get 'close' to a man that turned out to be MI-6. We all endured a little torture and Chuck perceived my basic concern for Cole to be some sort of intimate desire. And to make matters worse, as if the situation couldn't get any more horrible, at the end of everything he attacked me with his lips.

Was I attracted to Cole? Possibly. He was the type of guy I would have been pulled to pre-Chuck Bartowski. Now, no one man would ever size up to Chuck. Maybe my subconscious was trying to take the easy way out from the chaos and turmoil that was by definition Chuck Bartowski. I knew the second Cole's lips pressed against mine that the only lips I wanted against mine were Chuck's. So I dismissed him and let him go on his way back to jolly-ho England.

Here is the kicker of the story, he was captured by Fulcrum and if I forgot to mention: he knew about Chuck's special/secret abilities. I was upset but not because he was taken. That's all part of the job. However, Cole knew about Chuck's secret, he knew that Chuck was the Human Intersect. I was scared shitless that someone would take Chuck. So when I told him we would have to move in together and thus be back together I was secretly happy. I hadn't wanted him to break up with me in the beginning, but in reality who would ever want to break up with Chuck? He is the perfect gentleman; he is Chuck.

Waking up with him next to me was like bliss. When I looked over at Chuck, his blankets cocooned him. It was obviously not bliss for him. I couldn't decipher his actions. Was he scared that someone would try to get him in the middle of the night? Maybe. Was he scared that he might accidently do something to make things more awkward and uncomfortable? Absolutely.

So when I got out of bed, I tried to make the best of the situation. I remember how his face was red when he saw that I was standing before him clad in one of his shirts and my underwear. We both got ready for work in the same discomfort that existence when we woke up.

Later in the day, Cole came back. Back from the torture to 'make sure I was OK'. What a cheap line! Anyways, Chuck ended up trying to save Casey and I at the party were we spotted Perseus. The sight of Chuck with a gun was a little much for me to handle. On one hand, I was angry with Cole for bringing him to the danger and on the other hand I was... I don't know. It was an odd feeling, one I hadn't felt in a long time. I'll admit, it wasn't the most successful rescue but he was trying his best. He was taking the initiative to save me, and for that I was grateful.

The sight of me being a little flush didn't last long when Cole got shot, again. And BAM! There was my subconscious again taking the easy road out, clinging to Cole instead of making sure Chuck was ok. Chuck was hurt not as badly as Cole, but he did need medical attention. I stitched up Cole and gave Chuck the cold shoulder punishing him for trying to save my life. I shouldn't have done that.

Before Cole left [for good], he said something to me that was supposed to make me want to stay with him, but it had the opposite effect. He said, 'When you meet somebody you care about, it's just hard to walk away.' I could never walk away from Chuck. Never. I stayed with Chuck not only because I wanted to but more importantly because I couldn't leave. The ramifications of leaving would be disastrous on a professional and personal level. No one, absolutely no one on this earth could protect him as well as I could. At the end of the Cole Barker saga, I came across one new fact. I loved Chuck Bartowski. If I left Chuck, I would never be able to love again. Not until hell froze over.


	4. Barker to the Bombshell

**Usual Disclaimers apply. The scenes from the actually show might not be exactly as they are in the show and some parts are a little AU. All grammar mistakes and other mistakes are all mine. Enjoy! [and review? Please]**

**Part IV. The Autobiography of a Spy**

With that [me being madly and passionately in love with Chuck] being said, my life only got exponentially more difficult when General ball-busting-Beckman assign Agent Forrest to evaluate my effectiveness. Thus the 49-B crisis began.

The day Forrest appeared in my life was the day when I decided to take control of my life. A few weeks earlier, Cole Barker had told Chuck to never take no as an answer. Now was the time for me to start practicing what everyone had been preaching. There was a small, but monstrous snag in my plan. Being a government agent, I couldn't take complete control of everything that happened to me. Myth's and rumors from my academy days reminded me that agents who decided to take life by the horns often find themselves dead quite quickly. I would try take control little by little by first not allowing the 49-B to break up Team Bartowski.

Beckman informed the team of a well-known terrorist that would be in Los Angeles for a few days to have a heart operation. Chuck was ordered to break into the operating room at the hospital where Devon & Ellie worked. He had to switch the original pacemaker with one that had a GPS in it. My plan to stay in LA didn't really work out. The 49-B reported and Beckman reassigned me.

The next evening, I was supposed to leave Burbank and Chuck forever. I knew about Chuck's search for his father and how badly he wanted to find him. If I was leaving him, it was the least I could do was to find him. The search was taking longer than I expected so I wasn't able to include his dad's address in my note [more like a declaration] to Chuck. I sat with on my bed with a blank pad of paper in hand. How was I supposed to walk away from the best thing that had eve happened to me?

_Sarah sat on her bed with a notebook and pen in hand. She was doodling pages and pages. Sometimes there would be heart with ' C&S 4ever' or 'Mrs. Bartowski' all over the page. On particularly hard days at both of her jobs, Sarah would draw stick figures of a family in front of a big red-brick house making sure the mom and dad in the picture resembled her and Chuck. On a few pages were lists of baby names. This notebook was Sarah Walker's dream book. Everything inside was unattainable due to some eternal force. Today, Sarah's dreams inside her book would turn out to be the root of an attainable reality. _

_Today was her last day in Burbank and her last day as Agent Sarah Walker. _

_After about two ours consisting of multiple drafts and revisions, two sheets of paper laid on the bed. One was a letter to one Charles Bartowski and the other was addressed to one Central Intelligence Agency Director Leon Panetta. She was ready to quit the CIA and figure things out with Chuck. Sarah Walker was going to start living her life. _

_The letter to Director Panetta read:_

_Director Panetta,_

_I have been with the agency for the past decade. Joining the agency probably saved my life. I have saved countless lives because of my service but I have lost my own in the process. The adventure and action used to propel me to do and risk more. I want to emphasize __**used**__ to. _

_I no longer have what it takes to be an agent. I cannot be emotionless. I cannot have a complete disregard for one's family. I can no longer be the shell of a person. My past assignment has taken more out of me than I have been able to give. _

_Therefore, as of right now I am resigning as an officer of the United States Central Intelligence Agency. I will follow the protocol for the final debrief and then I am done. This job has robbed me of a youth but I am not allowing it to rob me of a future. I just won't. I sincerely apologize for any trouble my resignation will cause now or in the future. _

_Sincerely Yours,_

_Samantha Lisa Wallace. _

_The letter to Chuck read: _

_Chuck,_

_By the time you read this, I'll be gone. I am so sorry for being a part of the agency that has effectively ruined your life. I hope that somewhere, deep down you will forgive me._

_The past year and a half with you has been the best time of my life. See, the thing is I got to know the most kind, selfless, warm, fantastic guy there is. __**You**__. The thing is Chuck Bartowski, I am hopelessly in love with you. I didn't want to fall in love but I am so glad I did. I thank god everyday that I found you. You tell me all the time that I constantly save your life. Well you have completed an even greater feat. You saved the heart and soul of a killer. For that I am eternally grateful. _

_Chuck, when I was with you, I never felt like an agent. I felt like a girl who was in love with the world's most loving guy. Whenever I was with you, I would dream of the perfect wedding, red brick house with a white picket fence, two beautiful children with your deep-brown soulful eyes. I would come up with these scenarios where we would teach our kids about growing up. I imagined us as old, wrinkly, and senile grandparents living at the beach without a worry in the world. No CIA, no Intersect, no NSA, nothing keeping us apart I want all of that with you. Each time I had to reject your feelings was like ripping part of my heart away. But no matter what I said, you continually swept me off my feet. _

_So by the time you read this, I'm no longer an agent with the CIA. If being an agent means a life without you, then I might as well have no life. The last time I was in Castle, I did something, something breaking the rules that for over a decade I lived by. The search is taking longer than I expected but when I find your dad's address you will have it. I promise you. Give me six months to settle everything with the CIA. Six months I'll be yours forever that if you'll have me._

_With Eternal Love,_

_Samantha Lisa Wallace_

_P.S. Yes, that is my real name. But I will always be Sarah for you because I found myself as _your_ Sarah Walker._

_The letters were sealed and ready to go. Sarah held Chuck's letter as if it were a prized possession. She walked out of her apartment with a feathery step that was foreign to her. She would send both letters once she was out of LA because even walking back into Chuck's room would shatter her willpower. _

_Later, while driving out of Los Angeles in deep though, Sarah's dashboard computer chirped. It read 'FOUND RESULTS-1'. She saw the results of her search for Chuck's father and quickly exited the highway. Sarah Walker was not one to leave without completing a mission. Chuck asked her for help and help was what she was going to give. _

The terrorist's henchman figured out that there was a GPS device implanted with the pacemaker. The bad guys tried finding the doctor that performed the operation with the intent of killing him after he removed the bug. Chuck, being the most generous and selfless man I knew, said he was Dr. Woodcomb. Thus, the henchmen dragged him out of Casa Bartowski without even setting off Forrest's or Casey's alarms.

_Sarah arrived at the Casa Bartowski. She sensed something was wrong. It was like a mother who just knows that her child is sick or hurt. Sarah's spidey senses, as Chuck called them, were going wild when she climbed into Chuck's room via the Morgan door. _

_The sight I front of her was paralyzing._

"_'." she said out loud to herself. Internally, she was furious with Agent Forrest for already allowing harm to find Chuck. She was furious with the CIA for treating Chuck like he was some computer part. She was furious with herself for breaking her promise to Chuck. The blond spy told him that she would never let anyone hurt him. Ever. _

_Sarah left his room with his phone in hand. Sprinting and speeding into the BuyMore plaza, she found Forrest and Casey in Castle. _

_Casey, Forrest, and Sarah went to rescue Chuck from the terrorists in the bank vault. Casey was pissed at Forrest for distracting him. Forrest was pissed at Sarah for breaking protocol and trying to leave a goodbye for Chuck. Sarah was pissed at everyone. The atmosphere in the Suburban was tense to say the least. There was enough tension to be cut by all the knives ever made. _

After we, meaning me with Casey and Forrest just standing there, broke into the vault, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Knowing that Chuck was alive was enough to slow down my racing heartbeat. He wasn't totally unharmed. He was completely stoned from the Nitrogen tank that leaked throughout the vault. He was one hundred percent baked for sure.

When he held me in his arms, I knew what I had to do. Chuck wouldn't be safe enough with anyone but me as his handler. I wouldn't be able to leave him under the care of someone else because the one time I did, he almost died. My dreams of the perfect wedding, red brick house with a white picket fence, two beautiful children with Chuck's deep-brown soulful eyes would have to wait until Chuck was rid of the Intersect.

After we got Chuck back to Castle, Beckman decided that Chuck and I's 'thing' would be an asset to the asset. In other words, it was tolerable at the most. That didn't mean we could flaunt it in people's faces, and it didn't mean we were back to square one. At the end of the day, I drove with Chuck up to where I found his father's address to be. It was in the middle of nowhere, a random trailer in the windy Simi Valley.

_Chuck and Sarah walked up to the trailer. Chuck extended is hand and rapped on the door. _

_Now, they had to wait. After a few moments of waiting Chuck's hopes plummeted. Fearing that he would break down, Sarah reached over putting her hand on his next. _

_The warm feeling Chuck received from Sarah's small but powerful gesture slowed his body down enough to realize what was happening. Her grip was pulling him towards her. If another few silent moment's had passed, Chuck and Sarah would have been in an impassioned lip lock. Unfortunately, as they were leaning towards each other, the trailer door opened._

With Chuck's dad back in the picture, things calmed down at the Bartowski house. [as calm as things could be two weeks before a wedding] Ellie was happy her dad was back. She had always wished for her father to walk her down the aisle. That was once a dream of mine. However as my years at the agency went by, that dream became blurred and skewed by all the unethical and immoral acts I was ordered to fulfill.

After another disastrous mission involving Chuck, Stephen Bartowski [Orion] being kidnapped by Fulcrum, and Ted Roarke's Intersect [because it wouldn't mess up love life if the Intersect didn't have something to do with it], Chuck enlisted the help of one cold-hearted bitch Jill Roberts.


	5. Bombshell to Barstow Part I

**Usual Disclaimers apply. The scenes from the actually show might not be exactly as they are in the show and some parts are a little AU, but definitely enjoyable. I tried separating Sarah's thoughts from what was actually going on this time. Tell me what you think about it. All grammar mistakes and other mistakes are all mine. Enjoy! [and review? Please]**

**Part V. The Autobiography of a Spy**

Every time one Jill Roberts came back into my life, things seem to always go wrong. The first time, the bitch and her Fulcrum supervisor almost kidnapped Chuck. Then, she almost shot me in the back! Granted, she wasn't the first person who tried knocking me off but the fact that she was someone who Chuck trusted made me even angrier. And now, we need her help to find Chuck's dad. So with Jill back in the picture, something was bound to go horribly wrong. After all, it wouldn't be a true mission for Team Chuck if we didn't get into some type of avoidable trouble.

Jill and Chuck had to pose as a newly engaged couple to lure 'Uncle Bernie' out to the house. Jill told our team that he would know where Chuck's dad would be. Did I believe her? Not really, but I had no other choice. I had to get Chuck's dad back. He was the link to the Intersect being removed from Chuck's head. Chuck's comment about the 5C's for Jill rattled me more than I would have liked. I wanted the 5C's, not Jill. Jill was the back stabbing [literally] bitch who broke Chuck's heart [twice!]. Honestly, I don't know how I didn't barge into the mission and hit him across the head. Idiot! [Damn it! Just another reason why I love him]

The plan to get the location out of 'Uncle Bernie' failed when Chuck performed a 'Morgan' on him or as normal people call it: a heart attack. I wanted to send Jill back to prison where people like her belonged for life. Chuck, on the other hand, figured out another way to get the location. He was always good at coming up with ways to get out of sticky situations. He and Casey would infiltrate the Fulcrum base, which was disguised as a leadership conference, and then sneak off and find his dad's location.

That was how it was supposed to go.

When Chuck and Casey roamed the building, they got sent to the 'auditing' testing room where Casey failed the test and left Chuck alone with all the Fulcrum recruits. The head of the base sent a messenger for Chuck. That's when all hell broke lose.

Chuck and Casey fought off the heads of the base while Jill and I tried to make a safe exit for them. When Jill ran off from me, I assumed the worst. She had taken Chuck. My Chuck. The Chuck that I was in love with, not the old Chuck from Stanford. I didn't know this until much later, but Chuck had actually given Jill the engagement ring they had used at their 'engagement' party! I couldn't even think straight when he told me years later.

Anyways…after Jill escaped and Orion was not found, we (me, Casey, Chuck) went back to Burbank. Chuck stayed up at the BuyMore while Casey and I briefed with the General.

The General wanted me to betray Chuck and trick him into believing that another team had found his father. Beckman wanted me to bring him back to Castle where Casey would tranq him. She wanted me to stab Chuck in the back just like Jill had. My answer, No. Way. In. Hell. Of course, I couldn't let them know that. I wasn't going to do anything drastic yet. I planned on getting Casey to give us more time above ground. That was before I walked into the BuyMore. Chuck looked more frazzled than ever. I told him that another team had found his dad, that he was safe now.

After a moment of hesitation, he said it. _'I was worried I couldn't trust you anymore'_. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be the bearer of this lie. No, Chuck was the one person who I could never hurt because he was the constant in my life. His goodness and innocence helped bring me back to life.

I said it. _'Take off your watch…because it's all a lie…we have to run.'_ That was the first time I had ever really gone against an order. That was the first time I chose for myself. When I walked out of that BuyMore with Chuck, I was finally choosing my own path, my own life.

We were just outside of Los Angeles on the 405. He didn't argue or question my reasoning in leaving the BuyMore. He trusted me 100% and I trusted him.

------------------------------------

_Sarah was staring at the road in front. She wasn't thinking about the consequences of running from the government or for taking Chuck, the nation's most important intelligence asset, with her. She was silently thanking god for being able to keep Chuck safe. _

"_You're disobeying orders for me? You're committing treason, Sarah; you could go to jail."_

"_I know."_

------------------------------------

After I got to Barstow, Chuck seemed more depressed. The weight of everything seemed to hit him all at once. No more Ellie. No more Morgan. No more stupid BuyMore. No more Devon or Anna or Big Mike. No more normal.

I tried to make him feel better by searching high and low for the Fulcrum facility. My luck seemed to have run out.

------------------------------------

_The next night, after a day of searching around Barstow for the holding facility, Chuck and Sarah stopped at a seedy motel for some sleep. Sarah took a shower while Chuck set up the room for bed._

The one bed_, Chuck thought. The one bed in the crappy motel away from all the surveillance, all the noise and commotion of both their lives, spy and real. The one bed that symbolized two years of dodging emotions, shoving them away, and hurting each other._

_He got into the bed with a sad face. Chuck didn't know what to do. He turned on the TV to distract him from his never ending thoughts and waited for Sarah to return from the bathroom. _

------------------------------------

When I walked into that bathroom to shower off, my head was conjuring these scenarios that would end with Chuck and I together. I made sure to look my best when I left the bathroom. I couldn't put on real pajamas. Well, I didn't have real pajamas since we were AWOL, but the shirt and panties would do. Plus, if there was ever a need to…disrobe quickly I would be able to do just that.

I looked in the mirror for the last time before I left the bathroom. I smiled. I didn't see the shell of a women or a government operative like I usually did. No, I saw me. The Sarah Walker, who happened to be a CIA operative, that was in love with Chuck Bartowski, who happened to be a high-level government asset that I was assigned to protect.

------------------------------------

_Sarah walked (more like stalked) out of the bathroom clad in boy shorts and a t-shirt. Chuck's expression was priceless. He had a deer-in-the-headlights look. His eyes seemed to not believe what he was seeing. Sarah wearing little clothing. Sarah sharing a bed with him. The Sarah that went AWOL for him. The Sarah that he was hopelessly in love with._

_Sarah got into bed hoping Chuck would make the first move. She wouldn't stop him; she would excel his movements. Sarah Walker wasn't strong enough to initiate anything, yet. _

_As he laid in the bed next _his_ Sarah, Chuck tried to decode her body language and facial expression._ Did she want me to make the first move? Would she respond,_ Chuck thought. _

_He wanted, no needed to make sure she knew how much she meant to him before she made a move. Talking about his deep feelings was hard enough but with Sarah he was never sure what the outcome out be. It could propel their thing under-the undercover to new heights, especially given the current situation, or it could destroy everything._

"_Why are you doing this?" he blurted out. No rhyme; no reason. _

_Sarah knew exactly what he meant. 'Why are you risking everything to be with me?'. She wanted to steer clear of _that_ conversation if possible. The blond spy was hoping that tonight she would show him her feelings, and then tell. _

_She didn't know how respond. A simple 'I love you' or 'I'm in love with you' wouldn't be enough to show how she truly felt deep down in her heart. Sarah took the route of bypassing the awkward emotional response. "Because the floor is gross and I'm not going to make you sleep on it."_

_They talked for a little longer, then he asked it. "Sarah, what happens when this is all over?"_

"_One mission at a time Chuck." That wasn't what Sarah really wanted to say, but she couldn't say it, not yet. She had a planed speech to tell Chuck but the time wasn't right. The blond spy wasn't sure if there would ever be a perfect moment. She turned onto her back and forced herself to go to sleep. Her fantasy for a passion filled night slowly slipped away as she drifted into a deep sleep. _

_Chuck was left lying in the bed next to the love of his life and woman of his dreams. There was so much that he wanted to say and do... Now, he was stuck forcing himself to sleep in the eerie silence of the seedy motel in Barstow._

------------------------------------

That night I had the weirdest dreams imaginable. As an agent, you get used to having the occasional nightmare or basic scary dream. I sometimes dream about the few failed missions I have had. Sometimes I have nightmares about my close calls during especially gruesome operations.

My dream that night in Barstow was scary, scary because it was showed how my subconscious knew me better than my conscious self, scary because of how real it was.

In the dream, there was this family of 5. The father of the house was a tall, lanky guy who had brown curly hair and deep brown eyes. His wife was a little shorter than him and had bright blue eyes and blond hair. They had an older girl who took the father's brown hair and the mother's blue eyes. The twin boys got their mother's blond hair, and their fathers brown eyes. They were happy. The mother was a law professor at the local university and the father was a software programmer. The kids were in the gifted and talented program at their respective schools. They lived in a big house just outside of busy Chicago on Lake Michigan. The family was normal. They went to movies together. They saw the national parks all over the country. They visited their family back in Los Angeles and in Chicago. During the kids' summer vacation, they went to the beach on the outer banks of North Carolina. There, the family along with their other relatives and friends had a good long rest from the busy life they lead. The kids later went to top universities coast to coast. The twins split up and went to Stanford and Harvard (at the push their respective parental units). The oldest stayed close attending Northwestern University. The empty nesters were happy with their lives. They were content knowing their children were going to have great lives.

I saw the entire span of this 'dream' family. This wasn't a nightmare, it was almost like a fairytale. I was the mom, Chuck was the dad, and the kids…they looked just like us. I was the super-mom, driving the kids to all their lessons while balancing a job. Chuck was the perfect dad that I know he will be one day. Even in the dream, I saw the love and warmth in his eyes. What I would have given to have that life, those kids, especially that husband.

In the middle of the night, after a few hours of deep sleep, I lightly stirred. My breath hitched slightly when I felt the presence of another body. Chuck. I scooted further into his embrace. I thought about the dream still fresh in my mind. It was my dream life. Even though I didn't have the courage to start anything last night, it was already a new day. A new day for a fresh new start. I vowed, while I laid staring at the yellowed motel ceiling, to either show or tell my love the next chance I got. I wasn't going to let my insecurities rule me anymore. With my body closer to his, I felt his arm drape across my waist, successfully pulling me into his embrace. The last thought that went through my head before I dozed off: I could get used to this.

------------------------------------

_The sun shined through the thin curtains onto the two bodies that found themselves during the night. Two hands were interconnected and at sudden moment the two bodies were furiously attacking each other with limbs pulling and lips searching. _

------------------------------------

The next time I awoke, I was relaxed. I hadn't felt this…good?…in a long time. Chuck's hand was on mine. It was one of those now or never moments. I felt him look up and see what was going on.

At the academy, they called this 'the speaking of the hands'. It was one of many seduction techniques we were taught and expected to be able to carry out if necessary. To say it was an advanced technique would be a complete understatement. 'Hand Talking' was only used in certain situations because it was so hard, no, so intricate. It had to be done perfectly.

So when his hand started 'speaking' to mine, I was baffled. It was an advanced move and he was doing it so well. Maybe it was so simple because it was true love? That had to be it. Maybe it would only work if the feelings were all real?

------------------------------------

_Chuck and Sarah stop intertwining their fingers, and began furiously interconnecting their mouths. It was a mess of limbs. The 'cage passion' as Roan Montgomery had once put it was let out of a triple locked, retinal scan equipped cage. The desire and lust that was released would never be recaptured and put back into said cage. _

_After a particular stimulating make out session, Chuck got of the bed._

"_Don't move. Just stay there. Don't breath, don't move, don't…."_

_When Chuck left to go to the bathroom for the condom that would be necessary if things…went further, Sarah thought she had died and gone to heaven. Why? Because she felt like she was high on the strongest drug out there. She was high on Chuck, his brown eyes, his animal-shaped curly hair, his scent, and his…everything. _


	6. Barstow Part I to BartowWoodcom Wedding

**Usual Disclaimers apply. The scenes from the actually show might not be exactly as they are in the show. All grammar mistakes and other mistakes are all mine. Enjoy! [and review? Please]**

**Part VI. The Autobiography of a Spy**

To my dismay, nothing actually happened in that motel in Barstow. What almost happened was bigger thought. I was ready to give myself to him, but the timing just wasn't right. For a spy, timing is everything. Poor timing can kill you while perfect timing can save your life. If we had gotten together when he came back from the bathroom, Fulcrum agents would have taken us captive or Casey would have killed us. That did not describe my dream of the first time for Chuck and I.

But it turned out that none of that happened. Casey didn't kill us and Fulcrum didn't capture up. After a little showdown, Casey took us back to Castle where he locked us up.

_------------------------------------------_

_Chuck and Sarah sat in the detention cell in silence since Casey left them to deal with a disturbance at his apartment. Chuck was trying to find the positives of the situation._

"_For what it's worth, if I had to spend the rest of my days in a dark, windowless room...I can't of a better person to spend it with." _

"_That's not really how this works." She smiled back at him. _How can he still be so positive?_ Sarah thought. _

"_What we can't request a cozy little two-bed two-bath cell?"_

"_Two-bed?" The blond spy looked into his eyes with one thing in mind. Him. She leaned towards his lips and just when they were about to meet, everything goes black. Black as in darkness. _

_------------------------------------------_

And, once again, nothing happened, not because we weren't willing but because timing again wasn't on my side. It turns out that Casey was heading back to his apartment to take care of Capt. Awesome because he broke into his apartment looking for Chuck.

Also, the Buy-morons, aka Lester and Jeff, stole one of Casey's explosives from his locker. They fried the electronic system which also shut down the power grid in Castle and the doors flied open. This was the chance for Chuck and I to get away. When we got out of the cell, my eyes nearly bulged out. Captain Awesome was in Casey's apartment. It wasn't going to be a good day.

Chuck told Devon that he was more or less a spy. Not only did that put Devon in danger, but it also increased the number of people who knew of Chuck's involvement with the government. It increased the number of people I would have to watch to make sure that no one hurt him.

After I tied Casey down and let Devon go back to Casa Bartowski, Chuck and I drove back to Barstow to rescue his dad [Orion]. Chuck was supposed to stay in the car. Key work there was **supposed to**. Of course he did not stay put.

At the time I thought it was stupid of him to leave the car, but later on I realized that it was the smartest thing because he got the Intersect out of his head. Yep, Orion programmed Roarke's cube to wipe the Intersect out of Chuck's head.

The Operation was finally over. I had two weeks to report back to Langley. I was going to spend every last minute with Chuck. It would begin with Ellie's wedding rehearsal dinner.

Before Ellie's rehearsal dinner, I told Chuck that it was finally all real. It felt so amazing to say that. It wasn't my planned speech but it was something. During the dinner, we were inseparable for two people that were in a supposed two-year relationship when in reality it was just a few hours.

To my immediate dismay, we didn't go back to my place for the night. Chuck, being the ultimate example of chivalry and gentlemanliness, wanted to take me out on a first date with a real first kiss. I stupidly agreed because I assumed, something a spy should never do, I would have the two weeks I was given plus vacation time before my next assignment. That is, if I decided to stay with the CIA.

Chuck took me back to Casa Bartowski where we watched his favorite movie, Tron. It was a classic good vs. evil movie. In the beginning, I thought I would hate it. It seemed weird. There was a universe within a universe, a computer running and controlling everything.

He and I cuddled up on his bed as we watched Tron. By the time the movie was over, I had already fallen into the most restful sleep I had ever experienced without any CIA sleeping pills. I figured Chuck had an entire nightlife planned for us for after the movie. I assumed we would have time for _that_ after the wedding.

That night I didn't have any nightmares, another problem agents face, nor did I wake up in a cold sweat. I didn't think about past missions, past disasters, or anything in the past. I woke up the next morning all warm and fuzzy. There was a slight sound coming out of some piece of electronic equipment that was Chuck's that made everything just right. It was perfect.

Well, it would have been perfect if it hadn't been for Ellie's wedding day hysteria that I woke up. I would have preferred another Barstow hotel wake-up, but like they say 'no two-mornings are the same'.

_-----------------------------------------_

_Ellie woke up the day of her wedding with a huge smile on her face. Her dad was back. Chuck was back. Her family was back all under one roof. Walking into the kitchen she saw her dad at the stove making pancakes, her favorite breakfast meal. Yes, today was going to be a good day._

"_Hey Eleanor, can you give me a hand in here?" Stephen Bartowski asked his daughter, his only daughter, to join him in the kitchen._

_Ellie walked in and greeted her dad with a big hug. "What's up?"_

"_I need you to tell me something about Chuck's girlfriend, Sarah right?" Orion was fishing for something about the mysterious Agent Walker who his son undoubtedly was in love with._

_Ellie nodded, not quite sure what was going on. "Is she serious about him?"_

"_Dad, they remind me of you and mom. Is that the answer you were looking for?"_

_Unfortunately, it was the exact answer Stephen Bartowski was not looking forward to. "Eleanor, how about you wake both them up for breakfast, it's going to be a long day."_

_Ellie left the kitchen and slowly opened the door to Chuck's room unknowingly barging in on a morning in which neither Chuck nor Sarah wanted to be disturbed. _

_Eleanor Faye Bartowski, soon to be Woodcomb, thought of herself as a romantic. When she walked into Chuck's bedroom, all her prior assumptions of herself being a romantic flew out the window. First off, there was a light breeze coming through the window along with the first rays of sun. Along with that was the slightest melody emanating from Chuck's computer. _Was that Clair de Lune_, Ellie thought? The light air coming through the window added with the music made for the most romantic wake-up. _

_Then there were the two inhabitants of the bed. Chuck was snuggled into Sarah's body. His breath was lightly blowing on the back of her neck. His arms were situated around essentially shielding her from anything that might take her away from him. Sarah was a entirely different story. The smile and expression on her face showed her concentrated happiness. She molded herself into his body like play dough._

_So as Ellie stared into the roomed, she couldn't stop herself from allowing her breath to hitch and let out a squeal._

_Somehow, someway Chuck knew that he wouldn't get the chance to tell Sarah everything. They were still in Burbank where the probability of some catastrophe occurring was abnormally high. "Ellie…what do you want…it's only," Chuck groaned out still half-asleep._

"_Chuck! It's my wedding day! It's only 7:15 am, I let you sleep in 15 minutes! There is so much to do! Get up, get dressed, get ready! Dad made breakfast for us all!!" Ellie turned out of the room and shouted before she left, "Oh, good morning Sarah!"_

_Chuck and Sarah both noticed their previous positions in bed and sighed. _There's always tonight_, both of them thought. _

_-----------------------------------------_

After the special wedding day breakfast Chuck's dad made for everyone, Casey included, I went back to my place to get my dress for the wedding while Casey and Chuck went to the BuyMore to quit. That news alone added with the morning wake-up this morning made me happy. It was going to be a good day.

It was **supposed** to be a good day. Where the hell did it end up and why didn't happen?


	7. A Jeffster Wedding

**Part VII. The Autobiography of a Spy**

Ellie's wedding day started off well. Chuck and I had another relaxing wake-up and then he and Casey went to quit the BuyMore. During that time, I got 15 calls from Ellie asking if Chuck had picked up the rings from the jeweler. I had fought hand and hand with assassins and worked on Presidential details. Had I known that being the girlfriend of the bride's brother would be harder than both of those combined I would have never accepted Ellie's proposition of being a bridesmaid. Lie. I would have still done it; I just would have been more prepared.

After Chuck and Casey quit their jobs, I ran into them as they were walking out of the BuyMore. I was felt like a fish out of water and Chuck saved the day. I was the damsel in distress, and it felt surprisingly good.

I followed them down into Castle where we were about to have our last briefing for Operation Bartowski. I had no idea what was in store for us.

* * *

_General Beckman was in rare form. She didn't seem or act like there was a giant stick up her ass. She didn't seem pleased with the previous days events but she was happy about the outcome. The NSA had the new Intersect Cube. That was good enough. _

_Beckman had just offered a job on the Intersect team to Chuck. "No."_

_Sarah's ears perked up. No? Why is he doing this, she thought. _

"_Very Well then Mr. Bartowski, your services are no longer required. You are done. Agent Walker, I'd like to speak to you privately."_

_Chuck was so sure that Sarah would quit for him, so that was why he specifically did not take the job on the new Intersect team. But after seeing Sarah's face, he knew he made the wrong move. Damn-it, he thought._

_Casey and Chuck left Castle so Beckman could talk to Sarah. "Agent Walker, I am assigning you to be the Director of the new Intersect project. You have shown great skill at handling the former Intersect and as a result you will begin working with Agent Larkin who will be the new Intersect agent." She paused for a moment for Bryce to come down into Castle._

_Meanwhile, Sarah didn't know what to do. She could follow her heart or her brain. _

"_Yes, Agent Walker you will be paired with Agent Larkin in which you both will continue to track down Fulcrum agents. I want you both out of Los Angeles by tomorrow morning. That is all." The black screen reminded Sarah where she had to be, Ellie's wedding. _

_Bryce interrupted the silence, "Well I guess its Walker and Larkin back together again." He looked at her. What have I missed, he thought._

_Not giving a response to Bryce, which would acknowledge that she has to go back to the rat-Bastard, she sprinted up the steps hoping she hadn't missed the any part of the wedding. _

* * *

Putting on the Bridesmaid dress made me feel even worse about everything. Here I stand about to take part in purest ceremonies that can take place, a wedding. Me being in the same room as the bride probably would have put a curse on the wedding. Anyways, things went downhill when I saw Chuck in his tux talking to Ellie. Our eyes met and it was like a car wreck, you couldn't look away. Thankfully Mrs. Awesome started up about Chuck being in the brides changing room and he left. I decided to run after him so I could tell him my news.

Boy was that another wrong move on my part. He told me how much he wants to be with ME, not Sarah the spy, but Sarah the girl. I needed to stop him and tell him my heart-breaking news before he finished. I knew it was something big. Marriage, probably not. Asking me to quit CIA, maybe. Moving in with him, probably. I was not expecting him to ask me if I wanted to take a vacation with him.

Oh, how I so badly wanted exactly that. Well, my heart wanted that. My brain was telling me to go back with Bryce and the CIA. Chuck finally had everything he ever wanted. He was getting his normal life back without the danger of the US government getting in the way. He had his normal life that I would never be able to fit into.

After his vacation proposal, I did what I did best. I did what the CIA would have wanted me to do. I did what my father would have told me to do. I did what Bryce would have ordered me to do. I did exactly what my heart told me **not **to.

I can still hear myself saying it, "_Chuck, I'm leaving in the morning with Bryce. The details are classified. I'm so sorry; I wanted to wait until after the wedding to tell you." _Those words tasted like poison, a poison that was slowly destroying my soul. Telling him I was leaving was like sipping venom.

Now I'm not saying that I wasn't being hurtful or mean. I know I was. But what was I supposed to do? I had my orders and I had Chuck. In my own defense, I was confused and everyone knows what weddings do to people. Nonetheless, Chuck's response, "_I guess it's good for the cover then,"_ well that just really stung. After everything we had been through, I assumed he knew that the cover was non-existent. It was Chuck and Sarah, not Chuck and fake-cover-Sarah.

That cover life ended when I began thinking like a girl again. The day my cover life ended was the night I first kissed Chuck. That kiss left me reeling; it left the sensation of his lips against mine. Now, everything was back about the cover. Fabulous.

A Bartowski event is always planned with back-up plans and routines, just in case. I'm afraid to say that Ellie's wedding needed more back-ups than we could handle. Ted Roark crashed Ellie's wedding full with his Fulcrum team of agents and weapons. He wanted the new Intersect cube and was going to kill Ellie if Chuck didn't bring the cube to him. Chuck brought Bryce back to the Church in exchange for Ellie's safety…

Now the plan seemed fine in theory, and it's exactly why it stayed a theory. Thanks to Jeff and Lester, there was a plausible cover for the wedding being canceled. Ellie wouldn't know that Chuck saved her life by ruining her first wedding.

…Roark was about to shoot Chuck when Casey and his entire team parachuted through the ceiling. Just as Chuck and I were running back to the ceremony, Ellie caught us. I was in the middle of pulling my dress back down to respectable position after having just fought off multiple Fulcrum agents. Chuck was fixing his shirt and pants. To a normal person, it would have seemed like he and I just had a 'quickie' and because Eleanor Bartowski was normal she did assume just that. She was just about to start crying when the fire sprinkler system activated because of Jeffster's 'performance'.

After clearing everybody out of the church, I rode back with Chuck and Steven Bartowski to Echo Park. I felt so horrible for being part of the reason why Ellie's wedding was ruined. I saw his eyes filled with such sorrow and guilt. He was blaming himself for the fiasco.

I never believed for one moment that I would be sitting on Chuck's bed again. It was all too surreal. So while he and his dad tried figuring out what to do, I just kept thinking about the future. The future with Chuck, the future with Bryce, the future with the CIA, the future of my life.

I remember when Chuck finally figured out how to give Ellie everything she wanted and more. His face lit up like a bulb being flashed. For a guy who wanted normal, he sure was doing "_what a normal guy wouldn't do_".

The task was great, but with the help of Casey's team, Chuck, Mr. Bartowski/Orion, and myself a wedding would be planned in 6 hours and it would be awesome.

**A/N: Usual Disclaimers apply. The scenes from the actually show might not be exactly as they are in the show. All grammar mistakes and other mistakes are all mine. Sorry about the long time it took me to update, school is back in session. Thanks again for reading!**


	8. Take Me To The Bridal Shop

_Previously On The Autobiography of A Spy:_

_I never believed for one moment that I would be sitting on Chuck's bed again. It was all too surreal. So while he and his dad tried figuring out what to do, I just kept thinking about the future. The future with Chuck, the future with Bryce, the future with the CIA, the future of my life. _

_I remember when Chuck finally figured out how to give Ellie everything she wanted and more. His face lit up like a bulb being flashed. For a guy who wanted normal, he sure was doing "what a normal guy wouldn't do"._

_The task was great, but with the help of Casey's team, Chuck, Mr. Bartowski/Orion, and myself a wedding would be planned in 6 hours and it would be awesome._

**Part VIII. The Autobiography of a Spy**

We immediately got working on the new wedding. It had to be the same day since the caterers would still be the same. I convinced Casey and his team to work out the details of having the ceremony on the beach while Chuck and I worked out the details concerning dresses and the reception.

If I had known that the situation that I voluntarily put myself into would turn my world upside down, I would have became a doctor when I had the chance. But, the low-life con girl was drawn the extravagant life of a spy like the planets are pulled to the sun. Trying to break the attraction was futile.

* * *

_Part of the jobs appropriated to Chuck and Sarah was to race to the wedding gown shop to get all the dresses repaired and to get Sarah a new one. Hers was destroyed fighting off Fulcrum or because she was getting a 'quickie' with Chuck according to Ellie. _

_Sarah knew Chuck was freaking out. How? His hands were shaking and sweaty. Sarah liked to think that she knew everything about Chuck Bartowski. She read his entire CIA file when she first became his handler. As time went by, she started to wish that he had told her about his childhood without a mother or how he and Ellie got by without any parents._

"_Sarah! Sarah, come on we're here!" Chuck interrupted her thoughts having hastily arrived at the shop. _

"_Oh right. Sorry, I just spaced out a little there. Lets go," Sarah replied. _Since when have I ever spaced out?...since Chuck_, she thought. _

_Chuck sprinted into the store with Sarah walking in behind him. The shopkeeper, an elderly woman that looked old enough to be Chuck or Sarah's grandmother, quickly helped Chuck fix up Ellie's gown after some serious bribing to get it all done in 4 hours. All that was left was Sarah's dress. _

"_Sweetie, would you like the same color or a new one?" the shopkeeper inquired. _

_It took Sarah more than a few seconds to respond. Here she was, in a bridal shop with __her__ Chuck. It was all-surreal. She should be doing this for real. She should be here buying her white gown that she would walk down the aisle in, an aisle that would end with a priest and Chuck. _

_As a little girl, she dreamt constantly of finding her knight in shining armor, the man that would take care of her for the rest of her life. After her mom past away and her dad began thrusting her into the world of swindling, lying, and deception, her dream faded into oblivion. She didn't have time to dream about her future, she had to fight constantly to stay alive. She never thought once that her knight would find her. _

"_Umm, do you have any dresses in purple? That's my favorite color," Sarah finally responded._

_Chuck looked at her with a questioned face. _Was that a real fact she was giving up voluntarily?_ Chuck thought. She nodded; _yes it's all real.

_Sarah went with the shopkeeper into the back where she found an array of purple gowns. Strapless gowns, halter gowns, full-gowns, __everything__ that Sarah had dreamt of as a little girl was right in front of her. _

* * *

When I was back picking out dresses, I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed. Here I was picking out a wedding dress.

OK, so it's not the bride's gown or something big like that. Who would have ever thought that CIA Agent Sarah Walker would ever be in a bridal's shop voluntarily and willingly? Certainly not Bryce or Carina, my two other friends besides Chuck.

The old shopkeeper kept asking me when I was going to be the bride. She asked, "_Honey, you are so pretty. Why won't that boy marry you" _or "_Sweetie, that bride's gown over there would look marvelous on your figure"_. In all honesty, she was like the old yenta I never had to deal with as a child.

I picked out a purple halter-top. It wasn't as nice as some of the CIA dresses I had been given to wear on missions, but something about it just felt _right_. You know?

I looked in the mirror and saw my reflection. Why type of man would even want to be with a girl like me? I killed people for a living. I destroyed governments, stopped military coups, and terminated terrorists. I would never be able to wear the white gown that the shopkeeper showed me. With all the blood stains on my hands, wearing the white gown would make a mockery of the entire wedding.

A white bridal gown symbolizes purity, innocence, and clarity. Me wearing that would have been the biggest contradiction since Nixon.

* * *

_While Sarah found a dress in the back, Chuck sat in the 'husband' chair and waited. Chuck's situation mirrored Sarah's, as it was all too surreal for him too. Sarah trying on bridesmaid dresses. Chuck waiting in the 'husband' chair. The both of them planning a wedding [who cared if it wasn't actually their wedding, those were just petty details]. _

_His thoughts were interrupted when Sarah walked out of the dressing room with her dress on. His brain was focused on one person, and one person only. "Sarah," he breathed._

"_Chuck," Sarah managed to get out._

_The shopkeeper looked at Chuck then at Sarah and saw immediately what so many couples longed for, pure true love and happiness. The old woman knew she needed to give them some privacy, "I'll be right up front if you need anything sweetie." She patted Sarah's shoulder and walked off to the front of the shop. _

_Chuck got up and stepped in front of Sarah. "Sarah, you look so beautiful."_

_Sarah had heard her fare share of compliments about her body in the years she had been with the CIA. After a while, they wouldn't even affect her. Something about Chuck's statement made her blush like crazy. Maybe it was the act that he meant it for real or that he wasn't a scum-bag agent trying to get into her pants. Maybe it was because she believed and trusted him one-hundred percent. _

_Sarah continued to stay silent. She looked down at her feet and said nothing. It was all too hard for her. She had decided to stay in Burbank and leave the CIA. She couldn't take it anymore._

"_Well, if its any consolation, you'll probably be getting to wear nicer dresses like that when you're back out in the world with Bryce." He stepped away and backed off. Well…at least he tried to._

_Sarah found something enthralling with Chuck's hand. She took it and held onto it as if it was her lifeline. However, she couldn't look at his face. That would break her resolve. No, if Sarah Walker looked at Chuck's face not only her resolve would break, but her heart as well. So instead, she stared to the floor, where he wouldn't be able to witness the crumbling of the CIA's best agent. _

"_Chuck…I…I don't know what to say," Sarah said so softly he barely even noticed. _

"_Exactly, Sarah I can't take this anymore. It's like you never have anything to say. It's like I'm the only one in this relationship or whatever __this__ is." He tried pulling his hand from hers, but her iron-grip was no match for him. _

"_No," she said. "No, NO!" she said with more force. "You have no right. Do you have any idea what I have given up to keep this assignment for as long as I have? Do you know how much I have fought with Beckman to keep you away from a bunker?" She took a deep breath trying to calm herself._

_Chuck shook his head-no. Sarah continued her rant, "No of course you haven't. So you have no right what so ever to say you're the only one in this relationship. You…you honestly think that I like stringing you along, that I would rather be with Bryce? Did even try putting yourself in my shoes? You know I am hurting too. And not just because I'm being ordered to leave the once place that has felt like home…a home where I'm welcomed. I haven't had someplace I could call home since… since…" Sarah couldn't expose her past. The only thing about her that even CIA records didn't know. The once thing about her that she could keep from the world._

"_Since when Sarah?" Chuck asked quietly, obviously less angry. He used his other hand to lift up Sarah's face. He saw an agent crumbling from carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. He saw a little girl that wanted and longed for the normal life she never had._

"_Since…since a long time," Sarah said keeping her eyes closed, "Since my mom died when I was little. Chuck, I really want to spend whatever time I have left with you not fighting or yelling. I just want it to be normal. Can we do that? Because I was really looking forward to be your hot dance partner this evening," Sarah finished. She decided that she would have to open her eyes. _

_What she saw amazed her. Chuck was crying and laughing at the same time, "That's all I have ever wanted, as long as it is with you." He leaned up and gently presses his lips to hers. _

_The kiss was nothing to go to the presses about. It was neither the kind of kiss you give your mother nor was it the kind of kiss a bride and a groom share at a wedding. It wasn't the type of kiss that is shared for a life or death moment when a bomb might go off or the type of kiss you give someone when you're being ordered to. No, it was like no kiss Chuck or Sarah had ever engaged it. _

_It was sweet and it was tender. The kiss they shared spoke of lazy mornings in front of the fireplace. It told the tale of a young couple that was destined to share their lives with each other. It foreshadowed anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, family reunions, graduations, and everything that went with a normal life. _

* * *

Yes, Chuck and I had a moment back at the dress shop. It was…it was something I had never experienced. As I look back on that day, it was the realist kiss I had ever gotten. After our…moment, we packed up all the dresses and continued getting everything ready for the second wedding.

We decided that we would spend as much time together as we could before my 'departure'. We wouldn't talk about Bryce, the CIA, the Intersect, or anything related to the spy world. It was our time to be a normal couple together, and damn it I wanted that times o I could have him all to myself.

The second wedding went on without a hitch. Ellie suspected nothing of it, which was a blessing in itself. She forgave Chuck for 'ruining' her first wedding. I got the caterers to set up the party in the courtyard by Casa Bartowski-Woodcomb.

The scene was magical. Ellie got the wedding she had always dreamed of. Chuck got to make Ellie's dream come true. And I, well I got to see the man of my dreams be the man I knew he could be. Minus Fulcrum destroying the first wedding and Roarke's drama, that day was easily the first day I started _living_ again.

At the wedding while Ellie & Devon were exchanging vows, I saw my future across the aisle. Bryce, who had an audio connection to my earpiece, asked me if I were staying. I told him no! I did it. I took my life in my own hands. I decided, after seeing Chuck fiddle with the wedding rings that my future was no longer with the CIA. It was with a curly-brown haired enigma named Charles Bartowski.

If I had known what that night would entail, I wouldn't have gone to the reception. I would have taken Chuck back to my room and had my way…well I would have done whatever a girl my age with a guy like Chuck would have done in their free time. Detail aside, I would have had a bang-up [no pun intended] night.

Ha! Yea, that didn't happen. Not even close.

**A/N: Thanks for all the nice reviews! I'm trying to get past the beginning of season 3 before the season premiere. That may/may not happen depending on how my winter break goes :) Usual disclaimers apply, as always. Thanks again, and a have a good new year!**


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